A Few Words About Cows

I accepted an interesting assignment a month or so ago. Our local movie/art house, The Latchis Theater, was staging a spelling bee for adults as a fundraiser and asked if I might host. Along with hosting it fell to me to come up with sentences to go with the spelling words which were selected by others. I thought it would be an interesting exercise – and perhaps enhance the entertainment value of watching grown people spell obscure words for two hours – to construct some sort of story with the words. I took the words as they were given me and came up with the following near-narrative. I share it here because I thought is was fun and also to recommend this drill to any writers out there who might be looking for something to jump-start their wordplay. Show me what you get if you try it. What I came up with, obviously, was meant for a local audience . We live in a rural farming area with quite an eclectic mix of local and imports. Each year we stage a wonderful parade called Strolling of the Heifers, a celebration of, well, mostly cows and tractors. It is the perfect parade and it is happening this weekend. I mention it because it factors into the story and if you’re anywhere near Brattleboro, Vermont you should see this thing. This year of next.

Here we go –

1. verisimilitude
[ver-uh-si’-mil-i-tood, -tyood]
the appearance or semblance of truth; likelihood; probability
Finding them together in the barn as we did added verisimilitude to the rumors about Pig and Goat

2. abscissa
[ab-sis-uh]
(in plane Cartesian coordinates) the x-coordinate of a point: its distance from the y-axis measured parallel to the x-axis.
Arnold tried again to explain to Norm that because of the short abscissa from where they’d broken down on 91, it would be faster to bushwack through to Putney Rd than return to exit 4.

3. Niveau
[nee-vo]
a level of achievement, especially in progression
In spite of the incident crossing Canoe Brook, Arnold and Norm attained Niveau at the Sunoco.

4. jongleur
[zhôɴ-glɶr']
A wandering minstrel, poet, or entertainer in medieval England and France.
Though drunk and off-key, there was a certain jongleur quality to Arnold’s performance that night on the Putney Common.

5. waldmeister
Old World fragrant stoloniferous perennial having small white flowers and narrow leaves used as flavoring and in sachets; widely cultivated as a ground cover; in some classifications placed in genus Asperula
Weekender wives populated the hillsides like waldmeister, thought Norm, catching a whiff of Suzanne’s Chanel over the smell of the gas pump.

6. ciguatera
Pronunciation [see-gwuh’-ter-uh, sig-wuh-]
a tropical disease caused by ingesting a poison found in certain marine fishes.
Only after she stopped drinking did the doctor discover that Beverly’s six-year hangover was really a bad case of ciguatera.

7. zigzaggedness
a line, course, or progression characterized by sharp turns first to one side and then to the other.
Pig and Goat, weary of the zigzaggedness of their progress, regretted letting the chicken lead the way.

8. obfuscatory
[ob-fuhs-kuh-tawr-ee]
Designed to confuse, bewilder, or stupefy
A few obfuscatory neighs and winnies did not fool Arnold as he discovered Fat Cow in the horses’ feed again.

9. residuum
[ri’-zij-oo-uhm]–
the residue, remainder, or rest of something.
Buster loved frying his cheese stuffed turkey hearts in bacon grease. It was the residuum he couldn’t stand.

10. berceuse
[Fr. ber-sœz]
a cradlesong; lullaby.
The full-throated rendition of Yellow Submarine diminished to almost a berceuse by the time Arnold finally passed out on the porch.

11. yeomanry
[yoh-muhn-ree]
yeomen collectively, a British volunteer cavalry force, formed in 1761, originally composed largely of yeomen, that became part of the British Territorial Army in 1907.
The duck, the goose, and two of the chickens appeared as a barnyard yoemanry as they emerged from the fog on the horses’ backs.

12. oligarchic
[ol-i-gahr-kik]
of, pertaining to, or having the form of an oligarchy.
Pig and Goat quietly agreed that the new oligarchic governance of the farm fowl was bound to be short lived.

13. impecunious
[im-pi-kyoo-nee-uhs]
having little or no money; penniless; poor.
The professor, for reasons he will never understand, found himself impecunious and alone for what should have been his golden years in South Newfane.

14. solmizate
Sing using syllables like 'do', 're' and 'mi' to represent the tones
of the scale
To solmizate Rodgers and Hammerstein is one thing, but using the method on the entire score of Figaro emptied the Grange Hall before the second act.

15. quidnunc
A person who is eager to know the latest news and gossip; a gossip or busybody.
An insatiable quidnunc, Beverly poked through the recycling bin for the professor’s mail.

16. abecedarium
Pronunciation [ey-bee-see-dair-ee-uhm]
a primer, esp. for teaching the alphabet.
The standard abecedarium was getting nowhere. Chickens simply do not have the focus or aptitude for language.

17. quisling
[kwiz-ling]
a person who betrays his or her own country by aiding an invading enemy, often serving later in a puppet government; fifth columnist.
Desperate for the attentions of the larger birds, the bobolink became a barnyard quisling, telling the duck everything he heard from Goat, Pig, and Fat Cow.

18. fulsomely
excessively or insincerely lavish: abundant or copious.aborigine
one of the original or earliest known inhabitants of a country or region
Fulsomely praising Arnold’s new rifle, Norm had his eye on the battered old 30-06 over the kitchen door.

19. oolong
a brown or amber tea grown in China and Taiwan and partially fermented
before being dried.
Certainly more than the chow mein, it was the oolong tea that brought old Buster back to those steamy nights in the South China Sea with – what was her name? – oh yes, Lanita.

20. Zwieback
[swee-bahk]
a special egg bread made into rusks.
Norm heard his back pop like a piece of Zwieback when he tried to lift the hay rake by himself.

21. harrumph
[huh-ruhmf]
to clear the throat audibly in a self-important manner
“harrumph”, puffed the professor after failing to get Beverly’s attention behind the counter for a third straight time.

22. terraqueous
[ter-ey-kwee-uhs]
consisting of land and water, as the earth.
Playfully describing the muddy roads as terraqueous failed to produce even a glimmer of comprehension from Beverly.

23. baize
[beyz]
a soft, usually green, woolen or cotton fabric resembling felt, used chiefly for the tops of billiard tables.
The jacket Gail made for Buster from the old tavern baize only made him look like an impoverished leprechaun

24. shrievalty
the office, term, or jurisdiction of a sheriff.
Nipping at everything that walked by allowed goose to form something of a shrievalty for himself in the door yard.

25. hokku
[haw-koo]
the opening verse of a linked verse series, haiku.
The smell of fresh manure on the fields was the hokku to another poetic season on the farm.

26. whilom
[hwy-luhm,]
former; erstwhile: whilom friends, at one time.
The whilom pair of Goat and Pig split east and west as a Fat Cow tear stirred the dirt.

27. Filasse
[fi-las]
any of various vegetable fibers, other than cotton, processed for
manufacture into yarn.
Corn husks did make a proper filasse, but Buster would rather wear a plastic tarp than the sweater Gail had knitted him for the dance.

28. immalleable
Not maleable.
The immalleable fabric would not allow Buster to scratch his own nose, let alone keep time to the fiddler.

29. coruscate
To emit vivid flashes of light; sparkle; scintillate; gleam.
The basement began to coruscate soon after Norm went down to fix the sump pump.

30. Somatotonic
Exhibiting a pattern of aggressiveness, love of physical activity, vigor, and alertness.
The Somatotonic goose would have been a force to reckon with were he not also an idiot.

31. kitsch
[kich]
something of tawdry design, appearance, or content created to appeal to popular or undiscriminating taste.
Country kitsch had its charm, thought Suzanne retrieving her Platinum Card, but she wished these people would clean their fingernails.

32. Millibars
Unit of atmospheric pressure, each equal to 0.001 bar or 1,000 dynes per square centimeter.
Had the millibars dropped any faster, Arnold’s ears would have popped. We need the rain, he said to Fat Cow without looking up.

33. Proneur
Flatterer, eulogist
An irritating proneur, Clifford gushed over how nice Gail’s tractor tire planter looked since she’d painted it white.

34. ytterbium
[i-tur-bee-uhm]
a rare metallic element found in gadolinite and forming compounds resembling those of yttrium.
“You’d think it was ytterbium” muttered the professor sifting through the lumber stack for just one straight two by four.

35. Decalcomania
The art or process of transferring pictures and designs typically from specially prepared paper to china, glass, or marble, and permanently fixing them thereto
“Thank god for 5-minute epoxy” said Beverly improvising the Decalcomania required to afix the Bud Lite label to Norm’s hinder as he slept under the table.

36. udometer
(yōō-dŏm'ĭ-tər)
rain gauge.
A fair udometer, the puddle at the bottom of the basement stairs told Arnold they’d had a wetter than normal spring.

37. Peripatetic
[per-uh-puh-tet-ik]
walking or traveling about; itinerant.
The peripatetic chickens had tasted their moment of power. Now it was bugs out of Fat Cow’s dung pile and fond memories of where they’d been together.

38. belemnoid
shaped like a dart
The raindrops landed harder and became belemnoid in the glare of the mercury vapor lamp over the sugarhouse.

39. graupel
[grou-puhl]
snow pellets.
When the storm intensified and briefly turned to graupel, Arnold gave up on the day and poured himself a whiskey.

40. recumbentibus
A knock-down blow.
Goose eggs. How ironic. It was hail the size of goose eggs that delivered Goose his recumbentibus.

41. guttate
Pronunciation guht-eyt
resembling a drop; having droplike markings.
Returning to a familiar guttate form, the rain seemed solemn, almost apologetic.

42. larithmics
Pronunciation luh-rith-miks
the study of quantitative relations in population aggregates. accommodations
food and lodging.
The three drinks complicated Arnold’s larithmics as he pondered the barnyard impact of losing the goose.

43. piccalilli
[pik-uh-lil-ee]
a pungent relish of East Indian origin, made of chopped vegetables, mustard, vinegar, and hot spices.
As soon as he saw the crowd gathering in the church basement Rakesh realized it had been a poor choice to bring piccalilli to the pre-show potluck.

44. Yiddishkeit
[yid-ish-kahyt]
Jewish tradition, culture, character, or heritage.
The only evidence of any Yiddishkeit left in the professor was his two cats named Moses and Pharoah.

45. quoits
[kwoitz]
(used with a singular verb) a game in which rings of rope or flattened metal are thrown at an upright peg, the object being to encircle it or come as close to it as possible.
“Close only counts in quoits and hand grenades”, remarked Norm as Arnold zinged another shot off the light pole and the coyote ducked around the barn.

46. bazooka
a tube-shaped, portable rocket launcher that fires a rocket capable of
penetrating several inches of armor plate, as of a tank or other
armored military vehicle.
The irrigation pipe and propane made a terrific bazooka but proved a little over powered for the job at hand.

47. hyssop
[his-uhp]
any of several aromatic herbs belonging to the genus Hyssopus, of the mint family
The coffee could have been stronger, the hyssop a little less so, but the professor enjoyed his Tuesday afternoon chess games with Rakesh.

48. oeuvre
[ɶ'vrə]
The sum of the lifework of an artist, writer, or composer.
The miniature dutch windmill, the pansies in the tractor tire, the plastic fawn and the six foot rock at the bottom of the driveway Buster had given her for their anniversary. This, thought Gail, would be her oeuvre.

49. Sardoodledom
Mechanically contrived plot structure or stereotyped and unrealistic
characterization in drama.
The Spell Check host resorted to excessive sardoodledom in his quest for narrative.

50. xystus
[zis-tuhs]
in ancient Greek and Roman architecture, a covered portico, as a promenade.
Fat cow stood motionless as if a xystus for the parade of ducks shortcutting beneath him to the pond.

51. jodhpur
a short riding boot that fastens with a buckle at the side
Suzanne cursed as her jodhpur snagged on the the screen door of the general store.

52. debouchment
[di-boosh-muhnt]
a mouth or outlet, as of a river or pass.
“A most lovely debouchment” declared the professor looking over the Retreat meadows as the loudspeaker cackled the jack of hearts.

53. viticetum
[vit-uh-see-tuhm]
a place where vines, esp. grapevines, are cultivated.
Clifford and Suzanne long dreamed of a viticetum for their weekend escapes, but were growing fond of Arnold’s orchards and hay.

54. Deuterogamy
A second marriage, after the death of the first husband of wife
For her, a deuterogamy. For Buster, a first and only love if he discounted those days with Lanita.

55, immure
[i-myoor]
to enclose within walls, to shut in; seclude or confine.
Norm had no choice but to immure the pig until the goat calmed down.

56. velleity
[vuh-lee-i-tee]
a mere wish, unaccompanied by an effort to obtain it.
The professor sat frozen with the velleity that had become Beverly

57. Makable
Capable of being made.
Buster knew the banners for the VFW float were makable, just not by him.

59. sigillate
having stamped decorations or having markings that resemble the
impressions of a seal.
Gail used her notary seal to turn ordinary paper napkins into sigillate coasters for her guests.

60. commodious
large and roomy
The shed no longer suitable, the goat found the barn, even with Fat Cow, surprisingly commodious.

61. urceolate
[ur-see-uh-lit]
shaped like a pitcher; swelling out like the body of a pitcher and contracted at the orifice, as a corolla.
Arnold saw the last of the goose swinging urceolate in the evening light as coyote made off with it.

62. Kathakali
[kət̪ʰəkəɭi]
a highly stylized classical Indian dance-drama noted for its attractive make-up of characters
Not a Mumbai kathakali, Rakesh enjoyed the Grange production of Guys and Dolls nonetheless.

63. repechage
Pronunciation rep-uh-shahzh
In rowing and cycling, a last-chance qualifying heat in which the
runners-up in earlier heats race each other, with the winner advancing
to the finals.
Believing the storm to be over, the rowers of the repechage were good enough to sweep down the riverfront in order to create a premise for using this word.

64. tenaculum
A long-handled, slender, hooked instrument for lifting and holding
parts, such as blood vessels, during surgery.
Coyote used the claw of one paw as a tenaculum of sorts as he made his way into the best parts of the dear departed goose.

65. Xerocolous
[zer-awk-you-lus]
thriving in a relatively dry environment
Norm was by no means xerocolous and he let the bartender know time and again.

66. abbatial
Pronunciation uh-bey-shuhl
of or pertaining to an abbot, abbess, or abbey.
They had shipped the abbatial doors all the way from Tuscany, and Suzanne thought they were perfect for the wine cellar.

67. chaffinch
small European finch with a cheerful song
How the chaffinch became trapped in the Tuscan crate we’ll never know, but it was one of the lovelier invasives to come along in awhile.

68. Junoesque
Pronunciation [joo-noh-esk]
(of a woman) stately; regal.
Generally demure, Gail was absolutely junoesque when astride her lawn tractor on the way to the parade.

69. rhabdomancy
Pronunciation rab-duh-man-see
divination by means of a rod or wand, esp. in discovering ores,
springs of water, etc.
Buster had a talent for rhabdomancy before the war. Welding rods worked best for him, he recalled, as he felt the iron gate handle vibrate in his hand.

70. Gummiferous
Producing gum; gum-bearing.
Most of the floats in the parade were unwisely gummiferous that year and now there were the wrappers to be dealt with.

71. lagniappe
Pronunciation lan-yap
a gratuity or tip, an unexpected or indirect benefit.
Discovering that Beverly had also volunteered for litter patrol was a lagniappe the professor cherished.

72. inenarrable
[in-i-nar-uh-buhl]
incapable of being described or narrated.
The effect on the professor of the wind, the swirling Double Bubble wrappers, and Beverly’s dress was inenarrable.

73. Xanthic
[zan-thik]
of or pertaining to a yellow or yellowish color.
A xanthic sky and a strange sudden calm raised the horse’s hackles.

74. ecchymosis
[ek-uh-moh-sis]
a discoloration due to extravasation of blood, as in a bruise.
The professor was alarmed at the ecchymosis on Beverly’s cheeks. Little did he know it was her rendition of a blush.

75. sequaciousness
[si-kwey-shuhs]
following, imitating, or serving another person, esp. unreasoningly.
Clifford’s sequaciousness compelled him to put on the Carhartts and ditch the Yankee’s cap before dropping in on Arnold.
76. capsheaf
the crowning or finishing part of a thing.
A rubber cow, the capsheaf of the VFW parade entry, tumbled down Main Street.

77. Nietzschean
[nee-chee-an]
having to do with the philosophy of Nietzsche, emphasizing the will to power as the chief motivating force of both the individual and society.
While the professor spoke in a nervous babble of the Nietzschean nature of weather, Beverly tried to corral her hair.

78. vaudevillian
[vawd-vil-yuhn,]
of, pertaining to, or characteristic of vaudeville.
Arnold quietly watched Clifford’s almost vaudevillian approach through the ducks, around the fat cow, and directly into the pig slop.

79. quebracho
[key-brah-choh]
any of several tropical American trees of the genus Schinopsis, having very hard wood, the wood and bark of which are important in tanning and dyeing.
Arnold remembered reading somewhere that in a hundred years there would be more quebracho than white birch in the upper Connecticut Valley.

80. laity
[ley-i-tee]
the body of religious worshipers, as distinguished from the clergy.
The Episcopal laity did their best to hold on, but eventually had to abandon the barbecue and box the leftovers.

81. woad
a European plant, Isatis tinctoria, of the mustard family, formerly
cultivated for a blue dye extracted from its leaves.
A sudden gust caused the chaffinch to let go of one tiny seed of woad wedged beneath a wing.

82. Heresimach
[hair’ uhz ee mack]
a person engaged in combating heresy and heretics.
Something of a heresimach about such things, Buster showed the impatient new members once again how to properly fold the flag.

83. eczematous
[ig-zem’-uh-tuhs]
having to do with eczema, an inflammatory condition of the skin attended with itching and the exudation of serous matter.
His eczematous inner thighs caused Norm to walk not unlike a cowboy as he led Fat Cow back into the trailer.

84. Megaseism
[mega-sizem]
a violent earthquake
The farmhouse shook like a megaseism in the opening burst of wind of the second storm.

85. Strabismus
The abnormal alignment of one or both of the eyes.
Arnold didn’t see what had hit his visitor in the head, but Clifford’s strabismus told him it was not small.

86. Dactylion
Definition: The tip of the middle finger.
Noticing one dactylion above the other hand told Buster all he needed to know about what the new recruit thought of his lesson in flag etiquette.

87. jalousie
[jal-uh-see]
a blind or shutter made with horizontal slats that can be adjusted to admit light and air but exclude rain and the rays of the sun.
The wind on the barn cupola jalousie made a perfect A minor chord, spooking the horses, and putting a song by Sting into Clifford’s swimming head.

88. skoo⋅kum
[skoo-kuhm]
large; powerful; impressive.
“Skookum”, Arnold muttered almost reverently to the blackening sky, pulling Clifford in from the porch.

89. assuasive
freeing from fear and anxiety
Norm’s assuasive attentions kept Fat Cow calm during the worst of it.

90. fescue
[fes-kyoo]
any grass of the genus Festuca, some species of which are cultivated for pasture or lawns.
Visions of fescue and Gail’s carrot patch catapulted the horse out of the barn after kicking down his stall.

91. unguligrade
(ŭng'gyə-lĭ-grād')
Walking on hooves.
Being forced to unguligrade down four blocks of pavement made Fat Cow angrier than anything the storm had done.

92. xoanon
[zoh-uh-non]
a simple, carved image, esp. one in which the original block of stone or wood is readily apparent.
Sure to complicate Rakesh’s ACT 250 proceeding, a pre-contact Abenakian xoanon became exposed along the swelling creek bordering his field.

93. eliminable
capabale of being removed or excluded
The xoanon, he reckoned, might be eliminable.

94. lyrurus
A black grouse
Blown clear into the pig slop the bird appeared more a lyrurus than duck.

95. ophiophagous
[of-ee-of-uh-guhs]
eating snakes.

96. gesundheit
[guh-zoont-hahyt]
used to wish good health, esp. to a person who has just sneezed.
“Gesundheit,” said the professor, offering Beverly a clean corner of his hankerchief.

97. Tuyere
[twee-yair, too-, tweer; Fr. ty-yer] Show IPA
an opening through which the blast of air enters a blast furnace, cupola, forge, or the like, to facilitate combustion.
The gulch of downtown buildings acted as a tuyere for the warm wind.

98. keratitis
[ker-uh-tahy-tis]
inflammation of the cornea.
Between Beverly’s sinus irritation and the Professors keratitis, they appeared as walking wounded guiding one another around the corner to shelter.

99. pasqueflower
[pask-flou-er]
an Old World plant, Anemone pulsatilla, of the buttercup family, having purple, crocuslike flowers blooming about Easter.
The pasqueflower long gone, the roses still weeks away, Gail salvaged what she could of her perennial beds.

100. excrescency
[ik-skres-uhn-see]
something that is excrescent; excrescence (any disfiguring addition)
Pig and Goat huddled so close together, one appeared an excrescency of the other.

101. unhygienic
unclean and constituting a likely cause of disease
Though still dazed, Clifford was clear-headed enough to understand the unhygienic condition of Arnold’s kitchen floor as he rolled onto his back.

102. novillada
(nō'vē-yä'də)
A bullfight in which the bulls engaged are less than four years old.
4-H’ers rounded up the rest of the scattered parade cows in an improvised novillada.

103. rhodium
[roh-dee-uhm]
a silvery-white metallic element of the platinum family, forming salts that give rose-colored solutions.
Rhodium schmodium, thought Gail reading the directions. I’m using food dye to paint these pots.

104. Nenuphar
[nen['u]far]
The great white water lily of Europe; the Nymph[ae]a alba.
Newspaper and handbills floated down past the Latchis like nenuphar.

105. Fughetta
[Fu*ghet"ta]
a short, condensed fugue
Beverly answered the Professor’s absent humming with her own and they both smiled at the surprising fughetta they’d created.

106. Krugerrand
[kroo-guh-rand, -rahnd]
a one-ounce gold coin of the Republic of South Africa
Norm can pay me with hours, he can pay me with Krugerrands for all I care, but he will pay me, thought Arnold, noticing the missing rifle for the first time.

107. megohmmeter
[meg-ohm-mee-ter]
an instrument for measuring large resistances, especially the resistance of insulation.
Acting as his own megohmmeter, Buster felt the tingle through his boots as he approached the downed powerline.

108. Tickicidal
[tik-eh-side-al]
destroying or controlling any of several wingless parasitic insects.
Suzanne and Gail’s eventual discovery that the mixture of Chanel No.5, horse urine, raw butter, and rhodium made an effective tickicidal cream would make them all local heroes and wealthy.

109. woebegoneness
[woh-bi-gawn-ness]
beset with woe; affected by woe, esp. in appearance.
The professor’s lifelong woebegoneness diminished with every stride he and Beverly took arm in arm to the top of the hill.